We all have a reason we do everything we do. No excuses. The reason you stay in your relationship, at your job, or even the reason you are starting that new business venture. You have a reason. And while you could easily give a simple reason, there is usually a deeper one, and that is your ‘why’. Why do you stay in a relationship that is unfulfilling to you? Possibly because you have some worthiness issues and don’t think you can do better? Maybe you don’t believe in soul mates? Or perhaps your self-love isn’t that strong and you’re just afraid to be alone? Only you know the ‘why’, but there is always a ‘why’, and most people don’t dig deep enough to find it and deal with it.
Figuring out Why
I’ve wrested with the ‘why’ in many areas in my life. One thing I’ve struggled with is the many years I’ve essentially forced myself to be alone (the last 8 years). I told myself it was to work on myself and find happiness alone, which I really did do. However, I have tried to examine it a bit closer recently, as I really do want to find a great man and get married again.
But what has been stopping me? As I dug deeper I realized I was a bit scared actually. I didn’t want to make the same mistakes again, and I wanted to protect the happy life I have, so I was putting my guard up. I wasn’t giving any man the time of day because I was protecting myself. But how do you find someone when you have your guard up all the time? You don’t. So this is something I’ve had to work on now that I have figured out my ‘why’. But it’s really impossible to move forward until you do figure out your ‘why’ on anything!
Digging for Your Why
Many of my reports over the years in corporate America would tell me that they didn’t want to go after that next level job and they’d have a list of excuses why. But when I really dug down and asked them the right questions, it was usually their own lack of confidence, worthiness issues, or just self-love. The reason they didn’t even apply for the job is that they didn’t believe deep down that they were capable or worthy of it and were too scared. Often they wanted it, but didn’t believe they could have it.
I was recently chatting with someone who said they were just comfortable with their life. It didn’t bring them any great joy, but they were ok with that. And that would be just fine if that’s what you want of course, but I invited this person to dig deeper. Why don’t you want joy?! What would your life look like if you were passionate about it? This person looked a bit astonished. “Well, I don’t know. I’ve never thought about it.” I invite you to think about it. All of you. Why are you stagnant? Why have you settled for less or for “good enough”? What would light you up in your life? What kind of person, what kind of work, what kind of recreation? Start to think about it. Figure out your ‘why’ of where you’re at with the different areas of your life right now.
Change is up to You
I think a lot of people walk around angry at the world because they feel ‘stuck’, but really, they need to figure out why. What is their ‘why’? It’s not the world that has you stuck, it’s you. Sorry to tell you. The only one holding you back is you. You just need to figure out why you are doing that and change it. Give yourself a new ‘why’. Maybe take your relationship ‘why’ from “because I was scared to be alone” or “I didn’t think I could do better”, to “because I deserve great love” or “I won’t settle for anyone less than a true soulmate”.
The Wheelhouse Why
Some things are going to take some really deep digging for your ‘why’. Often our ‘why’ is not readily apparent. It may take some major unearthing. It may even be multi-faceted. I wanted to write about why I created The Wheelhouse Project and why I was so passionate about it, as I thought it was so clear and obvious. But when I tried to explain it to someone recently, it sounded so surface level. So basic. And it made me take notice. Why was I so passionate about it? Certainly not to make money, as I haven’t made a cent at it yet. But yet I’m driven to keep writing, keep sharing and keep reaching out to others in this way. Why?
I’ve thought a lot about this, and when it got right down to it, I realized I’m just crazy passionate about the ‘why’. Sounds like a bad riddle, doesn’t it? My ‘why’ is that I love the ‘why’! I’m all about digging deeper and finding the answers when it comes to our lives and making improvements. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that you can’t leave any stone unturned in your life. You have to understand why you do everything that you do, and only then can you change it. So if you are content with your job and don’t seek more, why is that? Do you know? What if you could have an awesome job with work you loved? Is that worth seeking out for you? Would you take it if it was offered? These are the things that make me dig deeper.
The Deeper Wheelhouse Why
But that’s not my only ‘why’ with The Wheelhouse Project. If I go even deeper, I realize that I’ve always felt alone. I’ve always felt that I can’t get my shit together in any area of my life, and I’ve gone on my own personal quest to figure out why. (yes, I know, the ‘why’ again.) And while I have an inquiring mind and have sought and found many of the answers for myself, I always felt that I did it very much alone. Honestly, I’ve grown very strong in my life over time, and I haven’t shared my struggles with anyone. But I’m ready.
This is my passion project and my deeper ‘why’ is that it’s time to be vulnerable. It’s time to share not just what I’ve learned, but the struggles it took to get here too. And it’s all still very much a work in progress. By no means am I where I want to be. But I’m willing to be open and discuss it with all of you as I do, in the name of learning for us all, and because I don’t want to be alone anymore.
I know I’m not alone in my struggles in finding the life I want and deserve, and I want to walk the path with all of you instead of quietly, silently, alone. So I’d like us to be a whole fleet of ships on the sea, setting sail together and inspiring each other, instead of my one little boat adrift looking for answers. Because we ALL deserve a better life, and we can all help each other to heal ourselves and create that amazing life we deserve.
Isn’t it time to figure out your ‘why’?
A book you may find interesting is Know Your Why: Finding and Fulfilling Your Calling in Life by Ken Costa
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