Do you ever worry that you will always be alone? Or perhaps, always feel alone? Because sometimes we can be surrounded with people, family, friends, a partner, and still feel alone. Loneliness can creep in at any time. I think this can be true especially when you are with others but don’t feel like you can be your true, authentic self. I don’t usually last long in those situations, because I don’t enjoy time with people who I don’t feel will accept me for who I am. Mind you, I know this can often be family as well, but I think we have to be as authentic as we can with them – and limit our time when needed. Because family can also be the harshest on us sometimes, and yet we are bound together.
The Lessons in Loneliness
I think we do need to find the lessons in our loneliness though. If you feel lonely when you are with your partner, then it might not be the supportive, honest, open relationship you need. If you feel incredibly lonely when your partner is away from you, or even if you are single, perhaps you need to learn to enjoy your own company. And if you feel lonely in a group setting, you probably aren’t being authentic, or at least feel comfortable being authentic. Our insecurities can also kick in when we don’t have a good level of self-love. We worry that we need to put on a smile or be someone we’re not in order for people to like us.
With regards to the partner aspect, I found that I was going from one relationship to another in my life. That I didn’t like being alone. Part of not wanting to be alone is being scared of being alone with your thoughts and feelings. And the biggest part is that you don’t love yourself, so you are desperately searching for someone who can show you that you are lovable – to love you in a way that you can’t do yourself.
When we don’t love ourselves, we will accept crap, because we don’t think we are worthy of better. And we will also look for people who feel the same about us as we do about ourselves. They don’t love us and they won’t love us – and we will work our tail off to try to ‘earn’ their love. When really, this is what we need to do for ourselves!
You are Your Own Greatest Love
No one will ever understand you like you understand yourself. So if you don’t understand yourself, you need to get on that. What makes you happy? And what are your fears? What things have happened to you in your life that affected you profoundly, and how did they change you? Where do you need to change things in your life going forward? Which old beliefs or ways of doing things do you need to let go of? What things can you do to bring yourself more joy? How can you love yourself and even parent yourself in the way that you need?
If we don’t start to dig deep, we will never find that peace we are looking for. That peace that holds you steady in a rocky ocean. That peace that anchors you, and helps you to know that you’ll be fine, no matter what happens. It’s amazing when you start to find it and feel it. When you start to love yourself – who you are, what you believe, and what you are putting out into the world. It will take you to a much deeper, happier, fulfilling and soul-filling place.
Calming the Waves in Life
Will you ever be able to find complete steadiness in your life? I don’t think perfection exists to be honest, but I think you can find amazing joy in your life for sure. You can smooth out the waves quite a bit. And I really do believe it all starts with that core of self-love. Because if you can find that steadiness, you will be able to work on the rest of your life with a new confidence and clarity. Once we learn who we are, what we are worthy of, and what we want in our life – the Universe will open doors. Actually, those doors were there all along, but we are aligning with it all and making it possible to even see them.
Where do you begin? I think making an effort is the starting point, and that could mean setting some intentions. Grab your journal or a notebook and jot down some intentions. “It is my intention to get to know myself more deeply. I want to unearth the things that hold me back and heal them. To find the things that make my heart sing and make me giddy with joy. I want to move beyond any past hurts, old beliefs, and feelings of unworthiness into a place of clarity, confidence, and pure love for myself. I desire a level of self-love that prioritizes my needs and desires. A love that makes me proud of who I am. A love that cares for me deeply, purely, and unconditionally.” Write whatever comes. Hash out the old feelings if you wish, but most importantly, set your intentions for what you want on your journey to self-love.
Baby Steps to Self-Love
Self-love is a journey. There are so many ways to go about finding it in yourself, or deepening it. But I would say to start with a few things. Do the things that make you curious, and definitely do the things that make you happy. Learn about yourself, discover your strengths, and notice what you do well. And be proud of that! But also embrace your failures, and laugh at what you suck at. That’s ok too. We don’t need to push ourselves to be perfect at everything. The goal is to find what you enjoy to learn more about who you are.
On your journey to self-love, I would also recommend picking up any book, podcast, or anything that draws your attention. Every time I do that, I learn something new. Think about your own life and how the teachings and lessons apply to you. Do some digging. While you will definitely have some epiphanies about what beliefs you have been living out, and you may dredge up some deep-seated emotions – you will also have the chance to make changes. To move forward in a new way. This can also be done with healers, psychics, or therapists. Just make sure they are reputable, trustworthy and come highly recommended. I’ve had some profound healing and clarity come through all of these avenues and more. So don’t feel like you have to do all your growth and healing alone.
Finding Peace and Clarity
Personally, I’ve come to a place in my life that I very rarely feel lonely. But when I do, I work through it. I cry if I need to. But I don’t dwell on it for long. I don’t allow myself to sit in victimhood anymore. I go for a bike ride on a lovely trail, watch a funny show, or spend time playing with my dogs and the feeling is gone instantly. While it took me a lot longer to work through it in the past, not only is it short-lived now, but I’ve opened myself to allow the Universe to guide me always. And it’s amazing what shows up.
Yesterday I had a lonely moment that hit me rather hard and the tears were flowing. Moments later I felt the need to turn on the TV and the “Sex and the City” movie was on – about the last 30 minutes of it. It was all about them coming together with the wonderful men they loved, and being together as friends. While I ended up crying a lot more – they were happy tears. I felt deeply that I was being shown what is to come. Heck they even had a birthday party at the end for Samantha who was turning 50, which I just did too. It made it clear to me the Universe was showing me that all this was still happening for me, yes – even at 50. I was so grateful to be shown this. In the past I would have dwelled on it thinking I would never have all that happiness, but now I know that my own ‘Mr. Big’ and great friends will be coming into my life. I know it. I have faith in what the Universe directs me to now.
Look to the Future
So rather than getting lost in your victimhood and feeling sorry for yourself, ask the Universe to shine some light for you. To show you what’s to come in your future. And while I don’t want you running out the door looking for it immediately – trust that it’s your future, and find solace in that. Let that help you take the time to love yourself first.
I have always been told by every psychic I’ve worked with that everything happens in “divine time”. That you often have things you need to do first. You can’t attract that amazing partner unless you feel that you are amazing too and worthy of that – not in a narcissistic way, but a deep, pure love of who you are. So get on that. Take the time to dig up your worthiness issues, make some changes in your intentions and actions, and move forward to a place of deeper understanding and self-love. You’re worth it.
You may enjoy reading You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay
Remember to sign up below for our Newsletter!